Gone and Helpless

My grandma passed away unexpectedly around 10pm on 8.Oct.2009. She was one healthy grandma. Only slight problem with high blood pressure. But, the good Lord loves her more. She collapsed in the bathroom and became unconscious. After MRI, she was confirmed having a concussion. To which the doctor said, "nothing else we can do".

My sister Dewi sms'ed' me asking if anyone informed me about Uyi (grandma in Kiput) being admitted to the hospital. At first i thought she was admitted due to her high BP. But, when Dewi told me that Uyi collapsed in the bathroom, became unconscious, was in ICU and in line for MRI my heart ached. I cried and cried and prayed for her recovery though in my heart i know that can't be good. I tried hard not to cry and put myself together for Milan. She was sleepy and refused to take her nap. While singing to her with my trembled voice, i exchanged sms with Dewi. She said, "Uyi had concussion, now in the female ward, and depending on the oxygen machine". I cried in silence. Then, when Milan finally sleeps, i went to the living room and cried again. Then, i got a call from Dewi. My heart raced!!!NO, PLEASE NO!!!. I took a deep breath before answering her call (she is in UUM and she called my bahrain no...can't be calling for fun right?!). She cried and told me "Uyi is gone". I asked her to put off the phone cos both of us were crying and no talking.

When i looked at Milan, i cried harder cos when i was in confinement, i only have my grandma with me. Not my husband, not my mother. She was there whenever i went through my different phases of life. married, pregnant and had a baby. AND NOW I CAN'T BE THERE ON HER FINAL DAY. I'M FEELING SO HELPLESS....SO VERY HELPLESS! I LOVE YOU UYI AND I'LL MISS YOU AS ALWAYS!

Gosh, i need to put myself together. I've been crying since 5pm today. Now it is 9.25pm. I can feel like my eye balls are popping out already. I cried when preparing Milan food, i cried reading sms'es' from home, i cried in the toilet, i cried and cried and cried. Milan is in good care of the daddy. I can't talk and i find writing about grandma as another way to ease my mind and soothe myself.


The last dinner with grandma, before we left to Kuching-KL-Bahrain. Nenek tolong ayun Milan dalam buai malam tu.



Milan at her 4mos i think with Fen (great grandma)



On 26th night, right after i delivered Milan. She kissed my forehead... :(






Old photo. Taken when we had late grandpa (her beloved husband) 1st year anniversary.



Chit chatting at home. Just few days before delivered Milan.



During our 'betarang' ceremony.